Life as a 4th grader.

In 1995, I went to Stonehurst Hills Elementary School for the 4^th grade because my mom taught 4^th grade at the Catholic school I attended. Not only is the first (and last until high school) public school I’d ever gone to but, this is also the first time I’d EVER interact with white kids on a daily basis in a school setting. Back in 1995, Upper Darby wasn’t as vastly diverse or over run with black folk like it is now. You were lucky to find 1 black person in your classroom; mine had 3 including me.

  

★I wasn’t liked very much at that school. The other 2 black kids in my class “acted black” whereas I “acted white.” This made them think I was some kind of weakling. That end very quickly when I kicked all their asses.

★A kid once asked me while in line for lunch if I liked vanilla or chocolate ice cream “Vanilla” I answered. “You’re not supposed to like vanilla because you’re chocolate!” I’m not a fan of chocolate. I didn’t get it until many years later.

★There was a break out of head lice and we all had to get our heads checked. I walked into the nurse’s office and she hesitated bit. Now black people CAN get head lice but it’s rare depending on hair type and what we put in our hair. When it was time do the check, she didn’t know what to do. So she just ran the 2 over-sized q-tips over my hair pretending to search since I didn’t have any hair for her to ruffle through.

★I made a valentine’s day card for a fat unattractive girl I liked named Donna Huth. I put it in her desk so she’d see it. She saw it and told me she wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend. I was crushed.

★We had a book called the “conflict resolution book.” In this book, we could anonymously write a problem we were having or just a problem with another student. Well one day, my teacher Miss Romanello read “I don’t like it when I get called ‘Frankfort.’ It makes me sad.” I instantly knew this was written by Frank Conway the tallest kid in the class. Frank and I were kind of friends but I liked assigning nicknames to people. I still do. Apparently, Frankfort was hurting his 4^th grade feelings. I stopped but called him a baby. We were still friends after. (I ran into Frank many times at Upper Darby High. I even said hi to him once but he had no idea who I was)

★I was brat. I hate not getting my way. When I didn’t get my way, I threw a temper tantrum. Literally I’d throw myself out, cry, kick, and scream. This scared the other kids. They were all afraid of setting me off. These tantrums would come back to haunt me in the 6^th grade at St. Cyril of Alexandria School when it was time for my confirmation.  Tom Bibby and a few others from Stonehurst were there for the practice run and Tom Bibby made it his goal that day to tell everyone in his confirmation group and mine about those days in the 4^th grade I used to cry in front of the whole class whenever I got in trouble. Everyone made fun of me so I kicked some kids ass.

★Mecca Brewer once asked me (because again 3 black folk in the class) to be her boyfriend in note. I circled yes because I was very much in love with her. This is the same girl who had NO idea who I was when I talked to her in high school. Well since we were boyfriend and girlfriend, my mom bought me a necklace to give to her from the dollar store. Mecca loved it and I got a hug from her! How cool was THAT. Well her best friend at the time, Michaela Rush (someone else who had no idea who I was in high school) got jealous and wrote in the conflict resolution book that I was calling her names (and I was because she was a little 4^th grade witch). She said she’d erase it if I got her a necklace too. I didn’t and she didn’t erase it and I got in trouble.

★These people were called in to put on a showing of Alice in Wonderland. We got the chance to audition for parts. They wanted someone to be the Jack of clubs but that someone had to be LOUD. If you’ve ever talked to me, you know that I’m as loud as they come. So, me and about 10 other boys lined up in a line. We each had to step forward, place our hand on our chests, recite the line “I am a royal card,” and then step back in line like a soldier. Piece of cake. Everyone went and belted out these low and mediocre lines. Stupid 4^th graders. When it was my turn I stepped forward, put my hand to my chest  and I let it all out, “I AM A ROYAL CARD!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was so happy. I knew I had the part in the bag. Everyone stood there staring at me. I didn’t know why. “Ok, you can step BACK into line now.” The director said. D’OH! I forgot to step back in place. I didn’t get the part. Instead, I got the part as one of the scary card guards. This was a non-speaking role. I had to look scary. I wonder what would happen if I got that role. Maybe I’d be some actor doing McBeth in a community theater. But no, instead I’m getting faked raped on the Internet. (I’d like to point out that there were 2 scary guards and both of us were black. Just saying)

★Everyday before class the guys would get together and talk about the AwEsOmEnEsS of Dragonball Z while the girls would talk about Sailor Moon. Take a guess at which group I was chatting it up with. Yup, the Bananas in Pajamas group! No actually the Sailor Moon girls. It was an interesting site. 6 girls swooning over Darian and then there’s me agreeing with them. I was a homo before I even knew what a homo was.

★ When I was a kid, my next door neighbor and best friend Mark Didonato always tried to get me to curse. I didn’t want to. I was a good Catholic boy. I thought cursing would send me to hell (I didn’t start cursing really until the 8^th grade). All the cool kids in my class used to curse. I wanted to be a cool kid so I made some agreement with some higher power. I went into the school bathroom, closed my eyes and said “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just allow me to say 20 curse words PLEASE!” And that was it. I now had the power to say any swear words as I wanted 20 times. I was excited. I stood there in the bathroom wondering what to do with this new power. It didn’t take long to figure it out; I put my newly found powers in use. “SHIT, FUCK, ASS, ASS, SHIT, ASS, ASS, ASS, DAMN, GOD DAMMIT, DICK, BOOBS, JESUS CHRIST, ASS, DAMMIT!”

I’d used up 15 of my swear words right then and there but I didn’t care. I had the power. I needed to use my last 5 words carefully. How would I use them? Maybe I’ll curse out someone who made fun of me. That’ll teach ‘em. No, I wanted to use it then and there. I waited for someone to come in the bathroom so I could show off my new powers. Nothing. No one ever came. I had to get back to class soon. Then an idea popped in my head. I went over to the stall and SLAMMED the door into my face. “SHIT!” I screamed. “DAMMIT!” I went over to the sink and smashed my hand on it. “OW, ASS, SHIT!”One more. How should I use it? Just then, a 5^th grader who constantly picked on me entered the bathroom. Earlier that day he made a joke at my expense.

“Hey John.” “Yeah” I replied. “Are you gay?” “No!” He and his friends chuckled. “Does your mom know you’re gay?””NO!”They erupted in laughter. “YOU’RE GAY!” I see what you did there. This was my chance to get back at him. This was my chance to use my power to defeat the enemy. He walked in and I began to walk past him out the door. As soon as I reached the door I turned back and yelled “ASSHOLE!”and ran back to my class. I of course had to stay in for recess the next day for cursing at another student. I didn’t care. For a few minutes I had super powers and I used my powers for good!